In the Rearview

What Looking Back Can Teach us About Moving Forward

Things Look Different in the Rearview

Transitions are funny things.

While we're in the middle of one, it can feel like everything has gone completely off the rails. Routines aren't working. Emotions are running high. Everyone is tired. Someone has lost a shoe. And there's a very good chance somebody is asking a question that was answered five minutes ago.

Then we get through it.

And suddenly, looking back, we can sometimes see what was really happening.

Maybe starting a new school wasn't simply about refusing to go. Maybe beginning a new job involved much more than learning the job. Maybe moving, changing support workers or even switching from one activity to another required more processing than anyone realized.

What looks straightforward from the outside can involve new expectations, unfamiliar people, disrupted routines and a whole lot of information to process.

Sometimes hindsight gives us the clues we couldn't see while we were busy looking for the missing shoe.

What Worked—and What Didn't?

Think about a transition that eventually got easier.

What helped?

Maybe there was more time to prepare. A visual schedule. A chance to visit beforehand. Someone explained what was going to happen. Instructions were given one step at a time. A familiar person was nearby.

Sometimes the things that make the biggest difference are surprisingly small.

It's also worth asking what didn't help.

Maybe everyone talked too much. Plans changed without enough warning. There were too many expectations at once. Or we assumed something was understood because we'd already explained it.

Looking back isn't about assigning blame. It's about getting curious.

Instead of asking:

“Why did that go so badly?”

try:

“What made that transition hard?”

One question looks for fault. The other gives us information we can actually use next time.

What Did We Learn About the Person?

Every transition teaches us something—not just about the situation, but about the person experiencing it.

Maybe we've learned that mornings need more time. That verbal instructions disappear approximately three seconds after they're given. That knowing when something will end matters just as much as knowing when it will begin.

But don't only look back at what was difficult.

Look for the strengths, too.

Someone adapted. Asked for help. Developed a routine. Found their people. Advocated for themselves. Tried again after something didn't work.

Or simply kept going when things were really hard.

Those moments matter.

When we're looking in the rearview mirror, we want to remember the potholes—but we should probably notice how many of them we managed to get around, too.

Keep the Lesson, Lose the Expectation

Here's the slightly annoying thing about figuring out what works:

It might not work exactly the same way next time.

People change. Environments change. Expectations change. What someone needs at 8 may look very different at 18, 38 or 68.

But that doesn't mean we're starting over.

Every transition gives us a little more information to carry forward. We know more about what helps, what makes things harder, what questions to ask and what we might try differently.

So when the next change comes—and there will always be a next one—we can take those lessons with us.

The rearview mirror isn't where we're going. But every once in a while, it's worth taking a look. What we see behind us can help us navigate whatever is waiting up ahead.